I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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