Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
