Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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