There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
