wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
