Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
