I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
