i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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