Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
