i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
