what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
