tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
