I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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