New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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