I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
being pregnant is like rehab
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
