I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
