Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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