Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have fence marks all over my body
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
