she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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