yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
