I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I need moral support for this bender
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
