she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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