I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
