I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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