At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
