opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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