did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
