To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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