hotel room ftw
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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