honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
