don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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