Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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