I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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