dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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