I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
