I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
