I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
