You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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