They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
