Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
