the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
