Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
