I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
