I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Semen is not good for contacts.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
