Ambien. No doubt about it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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