I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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