Me too!
Non-Jews are for practice
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
