y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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