Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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