That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
