dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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