if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
