Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
