I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
