hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
