i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
