these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
