i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
