somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
